I Love This Place

Ohhhhhhh! It's Death Anniversary Night!

Married with.......a beautiful home?

"What was your favorite part?" he asked as soon as the door closed behind us. I concentrated on climbing the narrow stone staircase in the dark. "I would have to say the view," I replied.

"Of course the view" he said, "it's absolutely amazing. What did you like about the house specifically?" 

"Alright, I really loved the speakers in all of the ceilings, how the music is piped through every room, even in the bathrooms. Oh, and I like that the bathroom floors are heated. What was your favorite part?" 

"I loved the fireplaces and how great a house it is for entertaining" he said. A little more quietly he remarked, "but there isn't any room for children." And like a man who won't give up his porsche I gave the equivalent of a "What? WHAT!? It can ride shotgun!"

"Well we'll just take the plasma out of the wall in the movie room and we'll put it...[the entire rest of the house is windows] we'll put it....well, we don't need a tv, we'll just stop doing what the tv says." *

All of this took place between the parrots and the vines on the staircase leading away from a house we had just looked at with our broker. Prior to making housing decisions, I was in bed for a few days with a cold (the sneezing and coughing made my back hurt!). But now here I am climbing the hills at a place where deliveries are made to all of the residents who have deemed it too risky to wield their own groceries. 

So, what's a week after a year's time? 

Back to our regularly scheduled blog!

*Someone graffitied "keep doing what the tv says" on the newspaper stand on our street.

Dia de los Muertos

On The Day of The Dead, which coincides with All Saints Day, there is a huge celebration at the Hollywood Forever cemetery. It's rather amazing- L.A. Day of the Dead

I was too hurt to go last November, but this year I plan to do it up. Here's a question: Can I dress up as myself? A man once said that I spoke too flippantly about such a serious subject.......(he was quoting me, but ok)

This past year, after a while with this injury, I didn't feel my spark as much. And a while after that I felt sort of....nothing. And I was terrified. I felt close to zero ability to create anything.

And I thought, is this how I felt before death? Oh my god, is this how people feel most of the time? Well damn. This feels like what a lot of people think death is. Dying is great, but this feels like why it trips people up when I say "I died" because they're not thinking celebration, they're thinking something closer to what this feels like. Now this is a serious subject. (not really, but we'll leave it alone for now) This is horrible. I feel no ability to change my circumstance. Hey my talks don't even make any sense if you're in extreme pain. Hmmmmmm....

So now I'm minding the gap, as the English say, between the bliss/death mindset and the very rough places we can find ourselves in here and marrying the two for much more accessibility.

You're always going to have to really try though. That should be a new beatitude.

Or at least a limerick?

Blessed are those who really try

They will never come up shy

And those who are darin'

To listen to Erin

Will have a great time when they die

Boo! That's not even true- you'll have a great time no matter. But it's two in the morning and that's all I've got. Happy Friday Loves!

My Comeback!

I arrived in California a year ago today.

I got here ready to eat up the cities, ready to start a film, to continue training and to do a triathlon. The plan was to work some and get set up here, and then to go back to Florida and do a talk, workout with my trainers, and to take a break and lay on the beach.

And then….I couldn’t walk down the street. Or to the next room for that matter. My back had been hurting somewhat before I left Fl, but this was different. I couldn’t eat because the surrounding muscles and nerves pulled my esophagus. I had to turn my head a certain way to speak. I lost 15 lbs. I couldn’t drive the car I had just bought because I couldn’t raise my arms. And as it went on and on, and on, it made my death experience feel like the common cold.

The MRI showed herniated discs, spinal stenosis etc. etc. Spine specialists…..recommendations for immediate surgery…..I thought I’d heal it myself. And it’s taken a lot longer than healing from dying did. (Or not? It is an injury that was there pre-death and exacerbated in the death event.)  

I’m almost fully recovered.

I didn’t talk to anyone. I didn’t say a proper goodbye to so many people that I care about because I thought I was coming back. And I am SO GRATEFUL to be able to reconnect with you all again!!!

In the midst of all of this I have managed to have some fabulous experiences (wouldn’t be me otherwise right?) I met some amazing people.

I got married!

I’m working with people who share my same theory and vision. I’m ready to start the film, with completely different content. I’m finishing off my book, and I am going to do my first talk in over a year, in San Francisco. Rather than the hard core training I was doing, my rad new husband surprised me with a pilates studio in our home, complete with a reformer machine.

Everything is different, including this site, and there’s much to come, but for the next few days-Hello Again!

On this night, eight years ago, I died.

Which was by far, the very best night of my life.

I cannot possibly describe how much more there is than here.

But I'll try.....................